first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
