just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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