I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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