She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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