Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
