In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
