it wasn't lemon gatorade
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
