either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
