What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize