I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
