nut hugger
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
