I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
