I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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