Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
