Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
