He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
