So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Can Purell be used as lube?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
