I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im holly from the hills drunk
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
