How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
