Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
