went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
