Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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