he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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