I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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