Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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