He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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