you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
