Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
