Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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