just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
