This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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