i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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