this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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