I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
