I just threw up on my dentist
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
