I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
