i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
