please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
