We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
