I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize