textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
