Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have fence marks all over my body
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
