So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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