you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
