Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
