I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize