I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
