why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
