thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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