i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
