I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
