I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
