I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
