Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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