I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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