dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
