I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
