I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
