What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
