If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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