Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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