Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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