I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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