I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
