I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
