She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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