Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
