Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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