Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.