I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.