I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
