How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?