Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?

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  (574): I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight? http://tfl.nu/h1kj
  Replies (10) Good night (1914) Bad night (546)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.

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  (917): I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer. http://tfl.nu/px5x
  Replies (1) Good night (797) Bad night (1027)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?

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  (817): why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"? http://tfl.nu/jsyi
  Replies (12) Good night (2533) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..

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  (607): Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits.. http://tfl.nu/aan9
  Replies (91) Good night (4994) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy

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  (614): see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy http://tfl.nu/v81p
  Replies (41) Good night (4616) Bad night (1331)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.

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  (304): I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up. http://tfl.nu/ory7
  Replies (46) Good night (4111) Bad night (1652)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Whats the count minus fat chicks?

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  (810): Whats the count minus fat chicks? http://tfl.nu/9ldi
  Replies (28) Good night (1291) Bad night (3889)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.

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  (727): I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing. http://tfl.nu/glhc
  Replies (68) Good night (792) Bad night (7191)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.

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  (425): It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably. http://tfl.nu/2r5e
  Replies (11) Good night (1477) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point

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  (561): I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point http://tfl.nu/m5fj
  Replies (3) Good night (1217) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you

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  (586): I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you http://tfl.nu/0vyd
  Replies (4) Good night (1258) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths

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  (240): She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths http://tfl.nu/lqw0
  Replies (2) Good night (830) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?

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  (814): how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus? http://tfl.nu/r0fm
  Replies (4) Good night (757) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.

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  (801): Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going. http://tfl.nu/a1o5
  Replies (5) Good night (985) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving

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  (951): Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving http://tfl.nu/6fed
  Replies (5) Good night (403) Bad night (1125)

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