but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
