Texts From Last Night

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.

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  (479): She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction. http://tfl.nu/io12
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (776)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.

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  (917): Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed. http://tfl.nu/8c7h
  Replies (2) Good night (486) Bad night (2870)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.

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  (720): I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch. http://tfl.nu/l2v2
  Replies (23) Good night (5051) Bad night (658)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well

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  (207): I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well http://tfl.nu/bwmv
  Replies (42) Good night (989) Bad night (6391)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.

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  (606): I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents. http://tfl.nu/w3i6
  Replies (8) Good night (3518) Bad night (1684)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.

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  (813): His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up. http://tfl.nu/2dvo
  Replies (1) Good night (2697) Bad night (841)
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  (+75): View more from

  It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more

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  (+75): It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more http://tfl.nu/60s4
  Replies (11) Good night (686) Bad night (2102)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

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  (361): As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you. http://tfl.nu/u1yg
  Replies (12) Good night (7025) Bad night (1490)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.

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  (662): She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina. http://tfl.nu/uqet
  Replies (7) Good night (3964) Bad night (845)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick

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  (484): Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick http://tfl.nu/a0s8
  Replies (6) Good night (773) Bad night (2101)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.

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  (206): You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship. http://tfl.nu/k0v9
  Replies (3) Good night (592) Bad night (1005)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;

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  (719): I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now; http://tfl.nu/0kbl
  Replies (7) Good night (459) Bad night (1391)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.

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  (814): Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark. http://tfl.nu/ixe0
  Replies (2) Good night (1467) Bad night (491)
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  (916): View more from California

  Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold

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  (916): Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold http://tfl.nu/79ln
  Replies (14) Good night (804) Bad night (1391)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college

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  (561): Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college http://tfl.nu/kc8a
  Replies (2) Good night (732) Bad night (254)

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