Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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