I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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