I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
