so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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